The thing about grieving is that it’s forever. It’s not just a phase you will get past. It’s something you have to deal with and carry on your shoulders on a daily. Grieving could make you feel so much emotions but yet no emotions at the same time. Some days you won’t feel it, but others the pain and emotional hits you like a wave.
It’s been a few years since I lost my mother. But she wasn’t just my mother. She was a part of me. My backbone. Once I lost her. I literally lost a part of me. When you lose a part of yourself, you can’t function properly. You just have to learn to keep living and keep going without that person forever. So I did not just lose my mother. I lost a part of me forever. A part of my heart that I feel as if I would never get back.
Death is really hard to accept. Especially when you start to think about the regrets. Like I wish I could’ve spent more time with you before you left. Truth is I have never felt the same since you left. Everyday, it’s hard putting faith in every step. It’s hard trying to find peace in every breathe. It’s hard trying to smile with all this stress. But all It takes is one moment. One memory to bring you back to all that happiness their once was. The memories y’all once had. The good and the bad. Losing her. My backbone, really turned me into a mess. As time goes on I still will always drop tears for you. I will always question my strength to make it without you. But I know you wouldn’t want me to live like that. Unfortunately you learn to turn that pain into hustle.
Grief isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes depending on how you work with that grief. It can turn you into something special. You have to learn how to turn that grief into a purpose. Your purpose. A purpose that your loved one would want to see you become. Sometimes grief could build that characteristic in you. Characteristics that you done even see in yourself. Because I really lost a lot of loved ones growing up. But I know I have to keep pushing. I have to keep being great because they’re watching me up there. They’re cheering me on. I have to live on not just for me. But for them because they’re no longer here to do that. They live through me now. I carry their name with pride in anything I do. When you can turn that grief into something special. It’s builds you as a person. Most times when you’re grieving, you’re anger or sad. Which is natural. But when you could turn that pain into beauty. You shine differently. Losing my mother helped me turn that pain into hustle. Knowing her she never complained. Just keep working at it. I’ve learned growing up that the pain or grief I dealt with helped strengthen and fulfill spaces in me that I lost from losing them.
To those who still struggle with grieving. It’s going to always be okay. It’s okay to mourn and miss them. But just know they wouldn’t want to see you sad. Keep living it up for them. Keep making them proud. Keep their name alive. I know I lost a big part of me a few years ago. But there’s someone in my life who is filling in that love that I once lost. That part of me I thought was gone forever. I can’t thank her enough for it. Without you I’ll be walking through life with a big whole I’m my heart. But everyday I fall deeper and deeper in love with her and she fills that love my mom used to give me. My best friend. My stink stink. I appreciate you so more than you know.💜
