A heartache unlike no other

My first experience with death was with my father. I was only about 2 years old when it happened and I didn’t know much about it or him. The only clear memory I had of him was his funeral. I just remember being carried by my oldest brother. Staring at him in his all white suit and watching people place a red rose on him. I remember having my red rose in my hand and just placing it right on his chest. I was 2 years old and that was my final goodbye of my father. I remember seeing the flame of the cremation. I had no clue of what have just happened. I wish he was still here. I wish he could’ve taught me how to become a man. The pain of him leaving didn’t really hit me until I got older. But from just hearing all these cool and funny stories about him. How good of a guy he was. How much my mother loved him. I knew he was a great guy. Sad that I couldn’t experience any of that love.

The next person who I lost that really impacted my life was my mother. She was the most important person in my life. She made sure I kept going. She sacrificed so much for me and my family. Survived a whole genocide while taking care of her younger brothers. This woman strength was unlike any other. The day I lost her. I lost a piece of myself. I felt like a big chunk of my heart was gone. Some nights I used to wake up crying because of how much I missed her. This pain hit different. A mother’s love isn’t like any other. I wish she was able to see me graduate. I wish I could’ve bought that house for her sooner. I wish she was still here. But things happen for a reason. Even though she’s not here anymore I know she’s in a better place. A place where there’s no more struggle and suffering. That’s why I can’t be selfish or mad because the way we was living. The way we had to grow up. I wouldn’t want that for her anymore.

People say death leaves a heartache unlike no other and sadly it’s the truth. It’s hard picturing a life without someone you love. Someone you seen almost everyday.

So how do we get over losing a loved one? I realized. You don’t. Some days may be harder than other days because you might miss them a little more. From my experience with it. I know that physically they aren’t here anymore. But spirituality they will always be inside my heart and watching over me. Sometimes you have to let them know that you’re okay. Accept the fact that physically they aren’t with you anymore. They say when you go into a garden you try and pick out the most beautiful flower there. I try to believe that’s why God decided to take those we loved. 

If you’re reading this and you ever lost a love one. Just know they always looking down on you. Watching over your shoulder and always in your heart. All you have to do is live on for them and keep making them proud. There’s going to be the days where you miss you them physically. Days where all you want is a hug or just a conversation with them. Those days are where you become even stronger. Everything that happens in life is for a reason. You might not know that reason right then and there. But when you continue to grow it’s going to hit you. Continue to be great for those you love and for those that loved you.