Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Lost

These past couple weeks haven’t been the greatest for me. I’ve been feeling lost. It’s been feeling as if life be going great at one point but then shit just hits rock bottom once again and being quarantined while depressed doesn’t help the situation.  I haven’t been able to sleep because I just be up thinking. 

That overthinking shit really does just kills you. It makes you feel really hopeless. On top of those things I’ve been going through. I’ve been really missing my mom. When you lose someone you start to think about the good memories you had with that person. But with the good, also comes the bad memories of them.


 I suffer from severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder. When they first said I suffer from PTSD I thought only people who went to war and stuff got that. I didn’t really understand it until I started to think back at it like damn I really seen some fucked up shit growing up in this world. I experienced so much trauma and pain at such a young age. Maybe that’s the reason why I’m like this. No matter what happens I always try to stay up. I always try to stay motivated and keep my spirits up. But it’s fucking hard. The only thing I been constantly thinking about is just what’s next. What is possible the next move in my life.

 I wake up everyday questioning myself. My abilities. I make myself feel insecure. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that really scares me. 

At this point I usually try and say something motivational. But to be honest. I haven’t been feeling like that. Life is a really hard thing. The only thing I truly know is that this pain I’ve been going through isn’t going to last forever.


June is usually one of my favorite months. One  reasons of that is because that’s my birthday month. It’s the one day of the year where I could just be happy because I am surrounded by a bunch of love and people that care for me. But the whole month of June was just really tough on me. Some things we do when shit get bad is we question a lot. We question our ability. We question our life. We question God. We say to ourselves why the fuck am I going through this? I just want to be happy. Is that so hard? From my past experience though I learn not to question anything anymore. From what I experience, all those trials and tribulations helped shaped me into a stronger person. It helped me grow mentally. It helped me become the man I and today. Deep down I wish I wasn’t going through shit. I wish life was easier on me. But it’s not. Life is not easy. You just got to keep finding ways to get through it. 


This blog is going to be a little different. This is just how I been feeling this past couple weeks. I know some of you who read my blogs may be feeling lost in this world. And sometimes you just want to vent to someone somewhere. This is your chance.  If you want. I’m all open ears. I could share it or just listen. I know how hard it is to go through something and not having anyone to talk too. I know how hard it is to be alone or feel alone sometimes. That’s why I always want to make sure everyone I care about is okay. For me my support system is why I always keep going. From my girlfriend, to my close friends and to my family. It’s good to be around people who care and love you. And if you feel alone or abandon. If you feel as if you don’t have anyone to speak to or you just need help getting through life. I am here. I am here to tell you that if no one got you. I got you. I maybe not be there physically going through it with you. But just know I’m fighting demons just like you. I have my bad days just like you. We are human. We go through pain and hardships. But I know you’re strong and capable enough to get back on top. If you feel lost, hopefully this can help you get in the right track. 




P.S if you really feel like you need someone to talk to. I am here. Message me. 

@Cambodian_Dev on Instagram

@Cambodiandev on Twitter

    Devonvsim@gmail.com Email

No comments:

Post a Comment