Weathering The Storm

I always questioned life back then. Questioned God like why am I in this position? That’s how miserable life was for me. It was so bad that I contemplated on taking my life a few times. But I thank God I didn’t. I realize you’re put into these difficult situations to either learn from it or to grow from it. I was so young dealing with the world on my shoulders. See I didn’t grow up in the best situations but I learned to make the best out of every situation. Growing up sometimes it was a bit difficult I’m not even going to lie. I remember those cold winter nights with no heat and no hot water. But I didn’t complain about it because we just continued to adjust to it. It was even so cold sometimes that we had to turn on the oven and the burners on the stove for the house to heat up. See I experienced so much at a young age that  I thought that type of lifestyle was normal. 

This one time the power got turned off for a while. But my family made the best out of it. My older siblings bought coolers and ice to store food in. They bought a bunch of candles for light when it was night time. We played games together and basically bonded as a family. Those moments were priceless and I wouldn’t have it any different. That was when I was a kid though and I thought those days were over but somehow it continue on when I got older. I didn’t complain though. I knew my mom worked her ass off so I did what my older siblings did back then. Made sure my mom sister and little brother was always straight. Made sure they had candles and supplies. That there was food in there stomachs. There’s isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my family.

Only a few could relate to them stories. That why I’m grateful for anything and everything I have. I always wish I grew up in a wealthy lifestyle, but that wasn’t the case. Instead I was taught and shown how to get it from the muscle. All those cold and hungry nights I experienced I knew would go away sooner or later. I knew there was a beauty within that struggle. That type of lifestyle I grew up in helped me carried myself to always be grateful and thankful. To never act like I’m better than a person because of what I have or the amount of money in my pocket. I know what it felt like to be broke so there’s no reason for me to brag. Remain humble until your time comes was always the mindset for me. 

Those of you may be fighting your biggest battles right now. You may even feel like your  losing that battle. But trust me, never give up on yourself. I always felt like I was useless in this world. Until I had friends telling me how inspirational I was. Telling me how much they look up to me and how they admire me for continuing life even after all the bullshit life threw at me. You might have someone right now who’s looking up or depending on you to keep going. You have people who love you. People who care for you. Don’t let them down. Don’t let yourself down. They say God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and in the end that battle you’ve been fighting for so long will be worth it all. That storm isn’t going to last forever and that sun will shine again.  

  

If you’re still rocking with me at this point. You loved and support doesn’t go unnoticed and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Loving you

That four letter word can get tricky at times. But that’s when you live and learn. I had a couple of bad experiences and some grateful experiences with it. But I don’t regret anything that happened throughout the past because at the end of it I’ve grown more within myself. This part of the obstacle helped me with the self love relationship with myself. 

I wasn’t really into relationships until I was in high school. Those high school days were one of my difficult yet most blessed experiences in my life. I was young and just chasing after someone to love me. I always tried to be the good guy or a person someone could lean on. But it was so difficult to be a good guy when people just kept taking advantage of how kind you was. Especially when you have friends telling you that person isn’t no good but you don’t care because you always try to see the best in a person no matter what. I learned my lesson the hard way. But still I wouldn’t be where I am without it. 

    

Going through those things in high school kind of just mixed together with my depression and just made me even more sad. I would just be up on a school night questioning my self worth. Again I thought how can I love myself if no one else can? So here’s me doing the same thing I did in the past and stay being the nice guy. Hoping that person would notice and stop trying to go for jerks and dickheads. But no, the same things just keep happening. At this point I’m tired of it all. I was tired of giving a mile for someone who would only give a footstep. 

You’ll think I learned my lesson of not falling in love to easy the second time. Nope. Here I am falling for someone again. I think I get attached to easily, that was just something I was learning more and more about myself. It’s one of those things you have to learn to change about yourself. I had to change the way I carried myself. Made sure to not give up on myself so easily because deep down I know I didn’t take a loss. They did. I know anyone would be lucky to have a person like me. Call me selfish but I call it confidence. It took me a lot of late nights and bike rides with my best friends to find out that. They made sure I knew what my worth was and For that I’m forever thankful. you might not see it in yourself but other people do. You’re special and you’re wonderful in your own ways. If the one person you want can’t see that then they aren’t the right one for you.

All it takes is for one person to see that beauty in you. Guess what? I think I found that someone. Here comes along that someone who is funny, smart, unique and beautiful. But most importantly, someone who showed me the beauty of life. I tell her this every chance I can. She is a big reason I am alive today. Any battle I faced in life she was right next to me and I made sure to do the same thing for her. She saved me man. she made me learn how to love myself first, and most important she showed me the light in that darkness. Trust me our relationship isn’t perfect but I wouldn’t replace her for anyone in the world. That’s why I don’t regret anything that happened in the past because I wouldn’t be with who I am right now. Love was just a word until she showed me the meaning of it. In the end I look at it as if God sent her into my life because he knew I needed saving. So I look at her as an angel in disguise sent from above. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and I wouldn’t trade those years back for anyone. 

If you’re experiencing some difficulties with love. Don’t rush anything. When the time is perfect, that perfect someone will come. Don’t acknowledge anyone who doesn’t see the real 

Beauty in you. You have to learn to love yourself. In order to love others.
Thank you for taking the time out to continue reading my blogs. Your love don’t go unnoticed.

Alone but not lonely

    Back then I always thought I needed people to know what happiness or what love felt like. I always depended on others for that. Why? I was scared that if I ain’t have people in my life I wouldn’t be happy or loved. I was always afraid of losing people really and I tried everything I could to make sure people didn’t leave me. But they still left. Growing up I was always kind hearted person, I always made sure to have a good heart and to don’t let no one take that from me. It was the way I grew up. But you see there’s pros and cons of that. I learned that having a good heart, a lot people will take advantage of that.

    Sometimes family and friends only needed me when they wanted something from me. It took so much time for me to focus on myself, but once i did that. I felt the most accomplished I’ve ever been in my life. I developed a relationship with myself to make sure I would never feel alone anymore. To make sure I wouldn’t need to call on others for my happiness. Sometimes to build a relationship with yourself, you might have to cut off the world. But it’s not like you turning your back on people. You’re just trying to better yourself and if they get mad at you for that. Then that’s when the true colors start showing. 

   People can’t be mad at you for you trying to better yourself and for those who are mad are only mad at the fact that you’re doing way more than what they’re doing in life. So what they will try to do is break you. Those people will make you fall and crumble so you can be back at the same level as them. Sometimes it will be the closest one’s around you. But whatever they do, don’t let them break you down. 

   If you’re struggling with trying to love or appreciating yourself. You’re not alone. Just start thinking more highly of yourself. Building a relationship with yourself is far more important than any other relationship in life. Why? Because you’re with yourself 24 hours in a day. You are the most important person in your life. Not only will your mentality strengthen with self love but you will always be more appreciative of things. Your bad days are other people good days. Remember that.

   So forget about what people think about you. Don’t feel scared to fly. You’re the only one capable of what can happen to your life. You don’t need others to feel special because you’re special. Continue to spark that fire in you so the world can see how bright you shine. 

 Thank you for taking the time to read my stuff. I appreciate you a ton for that. Love yourself.